Bourbon= Knowledge

I go to a University in the South. Ergo, I drink a lot of Bourbon. I never had Bourbon before I came to college, but since I joined our University's debating team, Bourbon has become my life blood.

We had our first meeting of the semester the other day, and because I had been sober all break (obviously my New Years sucked this year) I went a little overboard. Ever have half a solo cup of straight hard booze after several hours of drinking? Needless to say, I married Ms. Toilet that night.

It was a private ceremony.

As the next week unfolded, I slowly learned what happened that night. First of all, I didn't remember that I blacked out. In other words I didn't remember, that I didn't remember, or as I like to call it "College Amnesia." Then I found out that I called one of my old friends who goes to another university and with whom I had a fight with and haven't talked to since. I'm sure the voicemail message was painful and I'll never hear from her again. I'm sure I'll write about that soon, prepare yourselves. On a slightly less embarrassing note, however, I learned that Bourbon (which always deserves capitalization) gives me special abilities.

When I'm drunk I can speak LATIN.

Yes, Latin. I'm well known for speaking French when I get drunk. No big deal. I've been taking French for 3 years. What good is studying a language if you cant 't leave long grammatically incorrect voicemails on your friends' phones. But Latin? I took Latin in high school, which means I remember squat. Sure, I can recollect some basic phrases, and can translate a few simple (and short) lines if I have help, but thats it. Thats why I was dumbfounded when my Anarchist Associate, as I shall call him (yes, I know he lives in dream land) told me that I was not only speaking Latin, but speaking it INTELLIGIBLY.

I cannot do this sober.

This has lead me to the conclusion that Bourbon is magical. I don't know what it is about Bourbon that makes me find lost brain cells from my pathetic attempt to learn Latin in high school. But it did.

Bourbon is magic shit.

It has just the right amount of pretentious "I go to a prestigious University" mixed with just enough "Let's get smashed!" to be the perfect drink for a debate "Society."

I just realized by the way, that my attempt at alliteration —"Anarchist Associate"— is abbreviated "A.A." Let's step back a moment and enjoy the irony that I nicknamed the person who told me the silly shit I did when I was drunk, "A.A."Do you think my subconscious is trying to tell me something?

I'm drinking Bourbon again tomorrow night. Maybe it will enlighten me.

UPDATE: This week during interviews, I've had at least two people ask me to be on certain panels because "you speak Latin, right?'